Please Comment

"I'm looking for ways of improving a poem... not simply for other ways of saying something...."

1) I'm looking for places (words, phrases, line breaks) which a reader finds distracting - that provide a significant distraction.

Some of these may be intentional - to drive the reader back ("Was that what he really said?") or to accomplish some other half-devious purpose.

2) I'm interested in knowing if/when/where you, as a reader, lose interest... where your attention drifts away - and , whether it happens in the same place the second or third time you read it.

If the poem is sending you off into some mini reverie that's good! If it's driving you away that _might_ be bad.

3) I'm interested in knowing where (what words, phrases) mark a 'turning', send you heading off in another, noticeably different direction. "In this section... the poem has this feel/does this... and _HERE_ it turns and goes here/does that...."

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I'm looking for confirmation that the poem actually turns for the reader where I thought/hoped it did - wanted it to.

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I'm also looking for an indication of how sharp a turn this appears to be to the reader:

- gentle curve
- meandering valley road
- mountain switchback, or
- dangerous, blind hairpin

I'm looking for an indication of whether the curve was telegraphed (indicated well in advance), sensed (mild anticipation) or unexpected (shocking).

Clearly a poem that has a major hook should fall into the later group.

4) Finally I'm looking for words that distract the reader because those words carry a meaning for the reader that appears incongruous with the work at hand. Punctuation would probably fall into this category.

A list of 'comfort foods' which included haggis or some other Klingon dish might be an example of this for some people - for others haggis would probably fit right in... ;-)

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I developed this 'framework for discussion' during a week-long poetry workshop presented by the Tatamagouche Center and George Elliot Clarke several years ago. Since then, I've wrestled with a number of other questions including the use of obvious cliches (the poem "Separation" ends with a monster... ;-)